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Sunday, October 31, 2010

Desperate for blog material, I stoop to this.

Saturday's wedding has cut into blog time, so here's a repeat from my incoming email.
 
Some of these are pretty funny, at least.
 
>> > The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers
>> > to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,
>> > or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
>> >
>> > Here are the winners:
>> >
>> > 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
>> > subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
>> >
>> > 2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
>> >
>> > 3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
>> > you realize it was your money to start with.
>> >
>> > 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
>> >
>> > 5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
>> > bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
>> > little sign of breaking down in the near future.
>> >
>> > 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
>> > getting laid.
>> >
>> > 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
>> >
>> > 8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
>> > person who doesn't get it.
>> >
>> > 9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
>> >
>> > 10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
>> >
>> > 11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
>> > really bad vibes, right?  And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
>> > like, a serious bummer.
>> >
>> > 12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
>> > consuming only things that are good for you.
>> >
>> > 13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
>> >
>> > 14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
>> > they come at you rapidly.
>> >
>> > 15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
>> > you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
>> >
>> > 16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
>> > your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
>> >
>> > 17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
>> > the fruit you're eating.
>> >
>> > The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
>> > yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate
>> > meanings for common words.
>> >
>> > And the winners are:
>> >
>> > 1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
>> >
>> > 2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
>> > gained.
>> >
>> > 3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
>> >
>> > 4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
>> >
>> > 5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
>> >
>> > 6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only
>> > a nightgown.
>> >
>> > 7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
>> >
>> > 8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavoured mouthwash.
>> >
>> > 9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
>> > run over by a steamroller.
>> >
>> > 10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
>> >
>> > 11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
>> >
>> > 12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by
>> > proctologists.
>> >
>> > 13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
>> >
>> > 14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with
>> > Yiddishisms.
>> >
>> > 15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies
>> > up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
>>
>>
>