“Into a bar” jokes

The republication of this Calvin and Hobbes strip led a bunch of commenters to tell favorite bar jokes. Here’s a few of the best.

 

A kangaroo goes into a bar. He orders a martini and is charged $12 for it. Bartender says, “We’ve never had a kangaroo come in here before.” Kangaroo says, “Yes, and with these prices, you’re never likely to again.”

Grasshopper goes into a bar. Bartender says, “We have a drink named after you.” Grasshopper responds, “Why would you name a drink Bob?”

Man walks into a bar with a giant frog on his Head, Bartender looks up and says "Hey? Buddy! What the H—L is THAT!?! Frog Replies " I Dunno, it started out as a Wart on my @ZZ!

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar…….No, Really! It Could Happen!

Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar …. or does he?

Guy walks into a bar. The two following him saw this and ducked just in time.

A giraffe walks into a bar and says, “The Highballs are on me !!”.

A liberal, a moderate, and a conservative walk into a bar. The bartender says “Hi Mitt.”

Three men walk into a bar, all bearded and all wearing turbans. The barman says, “What is this, some kind of Sikh joke?”

A horse walks into the bar and the bartender says, “Hey! Why the long face?”

Gay deer walks out of a bar and says “I can’t believe I blew 20 bucks in there.”

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we don’t serve vegetables in here.” The mushroom replies, “But I’m a fun guy (fungi).”

A guy walks into a bar with a piano entertainer, sits down and orders a beer. The piano player’s monkey soon jumps on the bar and urinates in the guy’s beer. The guy yells to the piano player, “Hey, do you know your monkey just peed in my beer?” The piano player says, “No, but if you hum a few bars, I might remember it!”

…a priest, a rabbi, a monk, a blonde, a brunette, a redhead, an Englishman, an Irishman, and a German all walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”

Old proverb
An Irishman is not drunk as long as he can hold onto a blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth!

A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a ………… ……… ………… ……………… ….. ….. ….. beer.” The bartender asks, “Why the long paws?”